Amber O.’s Story

• 2025: More Than My Recovery

Which Valley Hope location did you attend?

Valley Hope of Norton

When is your sobriety birthday?

December 7, 2024

How has recovery influenced the person you are today?

Recovery has influenced me in so many ways. In the beginning I thought I knew it all, I was working my program, book work, sponsor, and spoke to my higher power often. I thought recovery was just about book work and meetings. I wanted recovery and to have what everyone who succeeded in recovery. I wanted to be that 2%! However, I was in for a big surprise. I remember crying and being emotionally all over the place because I was still depressed and feeling sad for myself. It took a while, but finally at about 5 months in I started to learn and accept that I wasn’t really living in recovery. Recovery isn’t just recovering from a substance, you’re recovering from chaos, poor mental regulation, lying, being manipulative, and not being honest with yourself. I really struggled with my addiction to chaos. I needed it, I traded one addiction for another. About a month ago I realized I haven’t always been honest with myself, my higher power, and others. In the first 3o days in meetings if someone had spoke about relapsing I would think to myself, “that will never be me” I was “on my high hoarse”. As I become further in my recovery 60/90 days later, I thought I knew it all even more. In meetings when I would hear people talk about sober or clean time and I had more I would feel like I had all the answers for them and because I had more time. In a way, it was like I felt superior. What a joke . Changing the way you think and feel is the only way you know you’re in recovery. I would also just look forward to my month chips or key tags. It was the praise I thought I needed. I realized change was really happening when I was at a family member’s “celebration of life party” and someone had brought up they were two weeks sober, they were talking really mean to themselves. They were looking at their relapse as a complete failure. I always carry my chips and keychains with me, I decided to give them my first 24 hour chip. As hard as it was the joy he expressed made giving that chip away all worth it. It wasn’t about keeping them to get praise or be a show off because I had more sober/clean time. He needed it . I was proud of him for being true to himself and being honest. Moral of the story, I have learned that you aren’t just recovering from a substance, I’ve learned to knock myself down and humble myself, I am humble enough to be taught and actually listen, I learned that mental health and learning to deal with my emotions in a healthy way was the missing key for my recovery. I am also working on taking accountability for the chaos I Involved myself in or caused at valley hope . I remember getting irritated because I didn’t like or want to hear what my councilor had to say so I just caused chaos with her. I am at a point that I need to make those amends, admit my wrongs, tell her she was right and I was a donkey at that time. It has really made and helped me change and grow as a human. I couldn’t have done it without valley hope. Valley hope and the recovery I gained saved my life and helped me grow in every aspect. I am teachable today. I am a better, more honest, accountable, non chaotic, sober queen.

What’s something meaningful you’ve started doing since getting sober that brings you joy or purpose?

I have started being honest and fully accepting recovery, I share my shortcomings with my higher power and others out loud. I do it with humility but also pride. I have also truly started mending relationships and I have been told by a couple that they trust me again. I have been taking my kids to a lot of scenic places in Kansas and Nebraska. It brings me joy to really soak in my children and having my son tell me he’s so glad I’m not a drunk anymore, I’m happy. I was dishonest (at valley hope) I said I didn’t get drunk around my kids (as I didn’t do it around my daughter) I would get hammered and go into my sons room, I would try to talk to him. I was a mess. It brings me so much joy to say that out loud! Living honestly with myself and others is my joy.

What goals have you achieved or are working toward because of your recovery?

Because of my recovery, I have started to get to know myself, love myself, validate myself, talk nicer to myself, I’m living a true life of recovery. I am a good mom now! I also received an email for a job interview for a case manager at a drug and rehab facility! That’s all because Valley Hope, my sponsor, my step work, and changing old behaviors, we can’t do this alone. It works if you work it, and sucks if you don’t!

Is there a passion or talent you have pursued in recovery?

Drawing and painting again, traveling to beautiful places with and also without my kids, I’m seeing these places sober and clear headed. Appreciating life for what it is!